muura: (yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)
flash................saviour of the UNIVERSE ..... KA CHING........ an anime tingle can be seen from the corner of my eye, as I pose, ready to write to myself and a dear reader


Shirt seen here by the impeccable Lurian

this song will never not remind me of my friend Suzn but also it's appropriate to think about, as I'm going to be GM'ing a tabletop RPG called MASKS in about a week, and a playlist would be appropriate when thinking about young and uncertain superheroes not yet used to their powers. Guess what can be their power anthem, and the very first thing in the playlist. I do recommend this game, I'll find some time to write about it in a later date definitely, for now I'll leave you with the notion of not many games being so successful in being able to make a game system about player characters bouncing off from eachother and from the world so well and in such a vulnerable way.

Back in December I was very gung ho about my intentions with "slow internet", as I call it in my little plans for it. Blogging, I said! What great and considerate form of bringing oneself to be seen in the on of line! Fucking nuts is what it is! You try to do things other than tweet when you're last minute preparing for a five day furry convention in Malmö! Attempt to blog when your all waking hours are conquered by none other than the worst beast of all - technical college schoolwork! Frustrating and timeconsuming more than it is challenging! You're not here to type on a laptop, you scream in anguish, I am here to design the best set lighting one can see in years and to cast the most prominent of amateur actors to be the icon and symbol of love in my screenplay..................... alas you must click thru these rings of multiple choice questionnaire about whence in the sentence you shall put a comma

which brings me to a point of why I decided to make a blogpost now. WELL, IT IS AN ACTUAL ASSIGNMENT IN SCHOOL, TO WRITE A POST OF BLOG. it can be a "fictional" blog, but of course since I have one, I will make one. it might slightly defeat the point to write this in english for a class in finnish but the point of this particular exercise is to practise personal way of writing, isn't it! It's always easier to write in whatever you speak daily but the internet is big and i like it when more than 5 people know how to read whatever im saying around here

i'll ponder at a later date what would be the perfect purpose of a blog, but right now I feel like i'd like to archive some thoughts I've had the past months. CLEVER of me to spend the remaining hours of my day before a friend GM's Genesys for me to write this and claim i am doing schoolwork. it is technically but we all know i could use this time to maybe touch up on the course of Project Management or maybe even the storyboard about a poem I should be doing

*eyes blur as I think about danny trejo* i did NOT know he is the little cousin of robert rodriquez

school is busy, is what im trying to say, and school making me so busy is making me also fill my calendar with non-school related things so i can offset the time i spend in school by non-school time which means all the time is all of the time

i have talked about a movie pitch me and my classmate did which consumed a lot of my time and feelings since december and january, which ended up in us deciding we will make our movie outside of our current school hours and start filming it next autumn, which was an excellent choice all around, pats to all of our backs because we are making a challenging to make movie about burning witches with stop motion animation and fire and puppet theater and we definitely do need more time than a few weeks to make it

im thinking of next summer, during which i would like to script my comic. it would also be ideally pre-production time for this short movie we are planning... and i am genuinely wanting to start "INTERNET SLOW CULTURE REVIVAL PROJECT" where i make websites about favourite anime and gifs and encourage other people to do them as well via guides and webrings.......... i wonder if i could get school projects points with this.......? i want to do it anyway but any extra encouragement would be amazing lol. going back to comic scripting, i did the script for an about 7 minute long short movie and it felt exhilirating to do and finish something like that. (i intend to translate it to english later because id like to show off what im so very proud of, haha) i think id like to try scripting a comic from start to finish as well? i dont think my working pattern of "drawing and making up stuff as i go" helps very much, to say the least, and the idea of having a finished pattern to follow makes it feel so linear and clear to myself. it just makes sense! my brain is all muddled and weird and having something like this just makes sense!!!! i feel so excited, which is a lot more than usual you can say about my state and relationship regarding comics lately.

have you heard of the genesys system, by the way? it takes a while to learn how the skills work, but the way to level up in it is very satisfying, since you get exp every session and you get to use it immediately, say you get 20 exp, you can use 5xp to get a new skill or 10 to make an old skill level up to 2, or even more for level 3. the skills are universal so any kind of system works in it. ours has trolls, and wulvar (wolf-headed people) and elves, and a very specific setting of magic being woken up from a long slumber. in very scandi woods! my wulvar Brek is very fun to play, because fullfilling dreams of stern bodyguards is very much close to my interests.




i could talk more about a really cool larp i was in and also of the movie production that just finished filming but even this much of writing feels like i am dried out. i notice i am doing the sort of cataloguing rambling thing in here that id rather do on a website.......... like neocities......but! hey! next time! its all in the way we do it. i am rather disapppointed in myself if this blog turns out to be something i feel obligated to write in after months of quiet in between just for the sake of posting, instead of having something to say and think and then maybe sitting down and writing it here... as a diary of sorts... instead of rummaging everything in my head, and never perhaps succeeding in forming thoughts you could bite into. chunky thoughts. but the more you make something a routine, the more often it might happen when it is supposed to, i think. let me be a thirty year old for a second, and make you picture this: times in livejournal, people writing nearly daily in their blogs. bite size thoughts to sit down with, to have a conversation with. next time when i think i will rather exchange a few tweets and instastories for a more thoughtful bit of writing here.

i encourage anyone reading this to make a blog post of their own, and then to tell me about it. i promise to read it.

to finish this entry off, some links.

my comic blog twitter has had some comics about writing and new beginnings you should look at.
Isabel Fall's "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter" is an amazing read, and was taken down because of people reading the title and aggressively misunderstanding what a tremendous work about sexuality and gender this is.

i was going to have more links, but ive attempted to make food with my own grubby hands since the first time in months and i have to see how that went down, and that before mentioned genesys game is starting soon, and its still very new to me and the excitement happening before it is also a bit nervewrecking because i try to make a thick finnish accent but instead make a russian one.
muura: (yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)
holy shit, the past week has been absolute coding hell. i dont even actually code, i just look at endless websites for css tutorials and templates and try to figure out what im doing wrong. i went from being happy with my simple html frames to figuring out i need css and spending about 4-5 days mixing and matching and trying new things and ended up frustrated and just went back to whence i came from, FRAMES. it really does eat the will to live of a man to go through endless galleries of websites that look like THIS:





NO THANKS!!!!!!!! im going to only look at the neocities page listing for ultimate healing qualities.



ahhh. just gaze upon it all.

anyway, as fun as this seriously is, i need to probably spend time doing other things in the mean time. its really easy to just Get Into building a website, and im actually extatic over getting over the worst of it, i guess, i want to continue building All Of My Content in there which occasionally i stop to think over as even an almost futile thing, especially when considering i am doing it on a website community reminiscent of yesteryear's anime web turnpike fan shrines. but that makes me want to do it even more. every step away from being efficient and modern and up to the times and trends of the social media hellscape of internet makes me feel so right. i-is this what being old feels like.............?

i put this entry to marinate throughout christmas which was LOVELYYYY! i did (im still doing) a friend christmas which i love to call reject christmas... its an upsetting term to use I KNOW but its validating to me to verbalize the years of guilt over not wanting to spend upset christmas traditions and then choosing to do so and then vaguely referring to "just spending a non-family christmas." id much rather be a REJECT!!!


we went to a kink party, ate an appropriate amount of food instead of too much food and making food a negative guilt thing throughout the holidays, visited and hosted friends, pet a cat, went to a cemetery (photo is of said cemetery at about 1am) almost set a christmas decoration on fire (okay it was just me who did this) …. its been about five years since i stopped doing family holidays and every year this holiday is less intense to me and i appreciate it and hope it keeps being this way

ANYWAY, originally my point was to talk about being a boom operator in a really cool film project by older film students in my school. its actually feminist female gaze porn, and the first pornographic student production done in my school, i tripped over myself running to be a part of this project lol. the crew and the shooting and everything to do with this film was so warm and welcoming and i actually had to interest in recording and audio related things in movie productions but recording things……… was a lot of fun, actually? i would love to do this more. i also want to be a producer of my own creativity but its a great way to help out in an interesting project



i drew this because i actually ended up loving our umbilical cords making us attached to eachother and because i wanted to keep thinking about all the equipment, and maybe explain it a bit. incase youre not familiar! i grew real attached to the boom pole itself, our school had just gotten a brand new one and i was the FIRST ONE TO USE IT. it was really funny to get my neck covered in gunk from the headphones as well because they were super old

im excited for the film project to come out, and im curious to see the reaction to watching actual porn in a critique situation, and watching porn with teachers present… with your student friends too. would you imagine a situation where you watch porn analytically with your schoolmates? i know it happens in media analysis and sexual health courses but it must be indeed a headscratcher for the teachers. im really delighted by the cultural weight this project will have on this schools history, and the future of it as well. i feel hesitant in conversing about what i personally want to do in this school, because my own feelings of specialization are vague, but i had thoughts about eroticism in my own work 100% the few months when i waited to start this school physically and i feel soooooo encouraged by this project AND i have some newfound interest in sound/audio recording and editing. truly a win/win for all involved and everyone who get to see the beautiful end product

i always end up in a non-appropriate time or place to truly dive into a blog post (it’s almost 3am rite now) but im glad i finally wrote something after few weeks of thinking about writing. i truly feel like a romantic passion journalist in a dark winter cabin sipping a hot chocolate with some rum on it…. and pouring their heart out on a typewriter….. except im in the apartment building suburbs of cityer helsinki listening to a 500 hour compilation of fireplace crackling sounds with no shirt on on my friends couch on my shitty gamer laptop and theres candy wrappers around me. ive been drinking orange juice. tomorrow im back home and i need to start thinking about babysitting exchange students who arrive by the new years and my cursed essay about social media. but thats TOMORROW. i leave you with this selfie and with a look thats called “got beat up by an eldritch horror” and a new years promise to get more make-up than a red and black eyeliner pen that i smudge together with my finger so i can truly shine and get beat up by other warlock patrons as well




muura: (Default)
i've been itching to write ever since i started working on the progress of making my own website from scratch, which has been a PROCESS and a half with everything else going on (i figured out why people don't do HTML websites anymore, lmao. i'll restart with CSS......)


i miss the era of static websites, i really do. we're supposed to write an essay about whatever we want for school and i've been thinking of writing one about the effect of the rise of social media and specifically how it has affected the wellbeing of artists online. i don't think i've ever found my place in the land of hectic web after livejournal, i don't know what it was about tumblr but i never felt encouraged to write about my personal life and i ended up with a process of kind of losing a lot of connections i had formed through for about 6 years online. it sucked, it really did! it has gotten harder over the years. you'd need to basically keep up constantly to be able to see everything. you've read enough articles about how social media is toxic to your brain, you know how it is. I DON'T NEED TO PREACH ABOUT IT. WE'RE ALL GONNA KEEP USING BRAIN POISON WEBSITES ANYWAY.

BUT, to counter this, i want to start blogging. i already feel a sense of zen in being able to anchor and calm myself into something with stability in an online environment. i imagine if someone who hasn't a history with online culture or community would find it weird to think about this kind of thing too much, but when you're 14 and spend a lot of your formative years finding that the people most closest to your mindspace are in different timezones around the globe and accessible through online and you survive a lot of things because of that, that and all those connections i've made throughout these years are not something i intend to give up so easily even when i'm now 30 years old. i intend to have my cake and EAT IT TOO


want to see what i've drawn during the past week? OF COURSE YOU DO




i started a nsfw choose your own adventure comic down at my nsfw twitter, jungle blind date was originally going to be a comic for a swedish erotic monster anthology, but i didnt have the time to finish it for its deadlines, so intend to, sort of! finish this story through this really fun sketchy style comic. its such a fun breeze to go through, i definitely want to make more after this one


im participating into a charity gurozine about medical procedures, look forward to that!


a house of secrets.............. my comic's been on hold because for the next panel i'm drawing i need to design a tavern/saloon. it's sign is a snake that has heads on both it's ends, eating bundles of rowanberries! the name is important, it's a place where a lot of important events of the comic happen




this is my first time drawin alex and miska, they're a (literal) couple of graverobbers whove so far appeared in my school work as a reoccuring pair of characters and im heavily considering writing a short movie of them. it's kind of interesting to think about them without visuals, because getting attached to a certain look is no good when you intend to make student budget films.

i also started designing a dragonborn for a homebrew campaign with a more humanoid look, i never realized but ive never even thought of a dragonborn before. KIND OF WEIRD, HONESTLY



i saw lots of great fanart about gourdie from the new pokemon game and i was reminded of my favourite thing: chubby guys with SWAG. thats what i started from and i got to some kind of heavy metal album cover guy. he plays the bass? we'll see how this goes, i always take about 50 turns and decisions before settling in on a character that feels good to play to me



NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THEHARDEST PART OF MAKING A DRAGONBORN THOUGH!!!!!!!! what's your favourite? i've gotten lots of votes for copper and the monochrome palette ones.

i headed out with the intention of writing even more but iwas supposed to sleep 40 minutes ago and i'm starting out as a boom operator in a really cool student project starting EARLYY tomorrow so a media student shitbaby needs their sleep. i leave you with this trailer to promising young woman which i enjoyed greatly and my letterboxd account lets follow eachother. i will blog more i enjoyed this

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